“All her pursuers overtook her ‘min ha maitzar’ … between the straits.” (Eichah 1:3)
These words refer to the three weeks from the Seventeenth of Tammuz to the Ninth of Av, “for in these days [the demon whose name is] Meriri is active,” as it says, “the pestilence that walks in gloom …. the destroyer who lays waste at noon.” (Tehillim 91, cited in Medrash Rabbah on Eichah)
“The straits” are a tight place where one cannot breathe.
I have done a bit of cave exploring in my days. Caves are dark and dangerous. There are passages so narrow that one can actually get stuck trying to pass through them. That narrow, dark passageway is what the Three Weeks feels like. Sometimes, one wonders, how will I make it through?
Current headlines offer a vivid illustration of the meaning of “min ha maitzar.” The locus of the conflict between the United States and Iran is a narrow waterway called the Strait of Hormuz, which lies between the Persian Gulf and the Arabian Sea. Passing through this strait, there is no room to avoid danger.
“Min ha maitzar … from the straits I called upon Hashem. He answered me with expansiveness.” (Tehillim 118) How appropriate that in our tefillos, the references to our redemption describe a “good and spacious Land,” meaning a place where we are not pinned between the straits, where we can breathe and not suffocate.
In 1948, when Medinas Yisroel was partitioned by the United Nations, the designated land area of Israel was less than ten miles wide at certain points. Only after the Six-Day War did the inhabitants of Eretz Yisroel begin to breathe more freely.
My friends, now that we have reached Shabbos Nachamu, we need a way to strengthen ourselves. We still have ahead of us a Chodesh Elul and a Rosh Hashanah on which (during the first day) we will not be blowing shofar. We need a strategy to overcome the sinas chinom which continues to plague us.
Last week, I quoted Reb Yechezkel of Kozmir, who said, “the Temple was destroyed because of sinas chinom, unwarranted hatred between Jew and Jew. It will be rebuilt because of ahavas chinom, unwarranted love.” (Artscroll Yoma 9b, Footnote 18)
How do we achieve “ahavas chinom?” This is not an abstract exercise, but rather a pathway to survival. As I said last week, I know that in my own heart I harbor feelings of jealousy, anger, revenge and so on. I know these feelings are destructive – for me and for those around me -- but they are difficult to uproot.
Say that I see a negative trait in someone else. Perhaps I think he is an egotist; he fools people. It bothers me that people admire him. In truth, my attitude is illogical. Even if he possesses those negative traits, what does that have to do with me? Does it hurt me? Is it a reason to hate him? My destiny is decided by Hashem, based on my own merits, and is not influenced by the actions of other people.
Here’s another scenario; this literally happened to me yesterday. I had thought someone looked down on me. I resented this and wanted people to see his “bad traits.” Suddenly this person did something so kind to me! I was shocked! I realized what a fool I had been! My entire mental picture of him was askew. It was a fantasy, but it was driving a wedge between us. This was sinas chinom: a completely illogical negative feeling toward another person!
From this, I got an insight into the nature of ahavas chinom.
Ahavas chinom comes when you realize that your hatred is based on illogical fantasy. His supposed faults – if they exist -- do not affect me. My destiny is decided only on the basis of my own actions. Even if someone would steal from me, my income is decided on Rosh Hashanah. No one can take a penny away from what Hashem had decreed for me! No one’s supposed ill will toward me can make even a slight dent in my destiny.
Sinas chinom is completely illogical. So ahavas chinom also has to be beyond logic!
Even if my brother seems to “deserve” my hatred I have to love him. Even if he possesses what I perceive as negative traits, even then I have to love him! Ahavas chinom means ignoring my irrelevant, negative and destructive ideas about other people and feeling kindly toward them even if that kindliness seems to be undeserved.
Here is how Rabbi Berel Wein zt”l described the Ponivezher Rav zt”l: “[He] loved all Jews -- no easy task! -- and they loved him back! He taught me that one must accept personal insults and slights for the sake of Torah.” (“Teach Them Diligently,” Maggid Books)
This is how we can say each night, “I hereby forgive anyone who angered or antagonized me or who sinned against me ….” That is how we can go to sleep in peace and wake up in peace. Sinas chinom leads to destruction and exile; ahavas chinom leads to peace and redemption.
“The sum of the matter, when all has been considered, fear G-d and keep His commandments, for this is man’s whole duty.” (Koheles 12:13) That is all we need to worry about.
GLOSSARY
Chodesh Elul: the Jewish month before Rosh Hashanah
Eretz Yisroel: the Land of Israel
Medinas Yisroel: the political state called “Israel”
Shabbos Nachamu: the Shabbos after Tisha b’Av
Tefillos: prayers
Tehillim: Psalms
Tisha b’Av: the low point of the year, the day on which both Temples were destroyed
